Istrians Decide:

Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries

The Issue

After a series of bloody wars between the nations of Maxtopia and North Bigtopia, fights have broken out in the streets between immigrants in Istrians who came from the warring nations.

The Debate

1. “Foreigners are a major cause of civil disturbances,” begins Buy Li, whose opinions form the book ’101 Arguments FOR Slavery’. “What we should do is make all immigrants, foreigners, and non-native Istrians folks slaves! I mean, who in Istrians wouldn’t like a minority slave group to do his bidding? Imagine! People could be bought and sold over the Internet!”
2. “I am shocked and appalled at what my colleague is suggesting!” exclaims Sue-Ann Jefferson, President of the Civil Rights Union of Istrians. “Slavery? We should punish these offenders, yes, but send them to rehabilitation centres instead! As for the ethnic squabbles, programs in school should begin to stop these racist attitudes in childhood! All it will take is some slight fortification to the education budget!”
3. A quiet old man stands up to speak. “Now, I may be a quiet old man, but I believe that these ethnic disputes are none of the government’s business. It’s not our war anyway, so it’s not our problem. I’m sure if you leave it alone, it’ll work itself out. Just think of the money that would be saved if the police don’t have to be paid to deal with this!”
4. “It’s not our war? It’s not our war?” cries (in)famous Istrians-born fascist Roxanne Jong-Il. “Well maybe it’s time it became our war! Istrians should take a more active, and by ‘active’ I mean ‘hostile’, role in international politics! This ethnic squabbling will be over when the war is over, and WE can end that war and purge the impure! Harmony in symphony! Sieg Istrians!”

The Government Position

The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 2.

Istrians Decide: Economic Collapse Looms!

The Issue

Big business, fed up with over-regulation in Istrians, are heading offshore in ever-increasing numbers.

The Debate

1. “Good riddance!” says noted environmentalist Steffan du Pont. “Sniff that air! It’s never been so clean! At last, our society is freeing itself from the consumer death-trap! I say it’s time to take the final step and outlaw capitalism once and for all!”
2. “This is a catastrophe waiting to happen,” says the Chamber of Commerce. “Think of the consequences! Without big business, where do the jobs come from? Where do we get our medicine? Our cars? Our latest fashions? There are dozens of useless regulations the government could abolish today to make life easier for commerce, and it’s high time they did.”

The Government Position

The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.

Istrians Decide: Military Demands Increased Spending

The Issue

The Department of Defense has put its case for a substantial increase in funding for the coming financial year.

The Debate

1. “These are turbulent times we live in,” says Defense Chief Hope Licorish. “Turbulent and dangerous. And the only sensible response to that, of course, is to build a lot more weapons. Unless we get the funding we need, I can’t promise that we’ll be able to defend Istrians’s sovereign borders from rogue nations and foreign powers. Or those leaky boatloads of refugees, for that matter.”
2. “NO MORE BOMBS,” chant the protestors outside Parliament House, in a repetitious and increasingly annoying appeal. Spokesperson Elizabeth Washington, speaking through a feedback-afflicted microphone, says, “Istrians needs fewer weapons, not more! Make the world a safer place! Disarm now!”

The Government Position

The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 2.

Istrians Decide: Uranium Deposit Promises To Enrich Istrians

The Issue

Prospecting company Nukes4U has uncovered a large uranium deposit in Istrians’s south-west.

The Debate

1. “This is a terrific find!” claims Nukes4U CEO Jean-Paul Rifkin. “It will provide an enormous stimulus to our economy and create thousands of new jobs. It’s win-win! All we need from the government is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that’s on top of the deposit.”
2. “You’ve got to be kidding,” says Green politician Sue-Ann Clinton. “This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs–well, that really sticks in my craw.” 
3. “There’s no need for an either-or decision,” says the government’s Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. “We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to Istrians.”

The Government Position

The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 2.

1. Dorothy and her family are campaigning for a “Dying with Dignity” bill, to change this situation. She implores the government to legalize euthanasia.
2. “I understand this is a very difficult time for these people,” says freelance medical writer Colin Bush. “But the solution is not to let our medical system slide down the slippery slope of killing people in pain. We must cure, not kill. This is not the right time for euthanasia.”
3. “I agree, but go further: there is never a right time for euthanasia,” says Bishop Jean-Paul Broadside. “The lives we lead are given to us by the grace of God, and he decides when they end. It is not for us to question God’s divine purpose, no matter how odd or screwed-up it may seem.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.

1. “People are sick of dirty, smelly automobiles,” said protest organizer Jazz Dodinas. “They’re choking the city, the environment–our lives! Cars must be banned!”
2. “The only thing people are sick of is long-haired idiots riding their bicycles at two miles an hour on major thoroughfares,” says committed motorist Klaus Trax. “People shouldn’t be able to protest like this. The government needs to crack down on them.”
3. The Automotive Manufacturers Association, meanwhile, has called for government support. “It’s clear that we need to boost the level of automobile support in this country. This protest this morning is a clear indication of… um… anyway, we need more government funds.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.

The Commonwealth is now renowned for its punitive income tax rates of 51%, and even higher for the wealthy.

Our compassionate population of 40 million is fiercely patriotic and enjoys great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The nation is ravaged by daily union strikes, marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home, and organ donation rates have hit a new low. Crime is totally unknown.

Istrians is ranked 30th (out of 62) in the region and 29,274th (out of 72,700) in the world for Most Beautiful Environments.

Istrians Decides:

Cash for Colons?

The Issue
Hospitals have requested that they be allowed to pay people for donating blood and other bodily organs, such as kidneys.
The Debate

1. “We remain critically short of blood plasma and various organs,” says Istrians One hospital administrator Calvin Gutenberg. “Especially hearts. A good heart is hard to find. But if we were allowed to pay for donations, we’d get more of them and could save more lives. Plus the donor takes home a few hundred Energy credits in compensation. Unless it’s a post-mortem donation, of course. In that case we’d pay the family.”
2. “Great idea,” says social commentator Abraham Wu. “Except for one thing. You know who’s going to be selling their organs? Poor people! They’ll be so desperate for money that they’ll sell their own kidneys. Well, a kidney. This is just another way for the rich to buy themselves a better life at the expense of the poor. It must be outlawed.” 

The Government Position

The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 2.

The Issue
In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for Istrians’s Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that aurochs could be added to the menu.
The Debate

1. “The fact is, the auroch population is out of control,” says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Colin Jong-Il. “We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have auroch kebabs, auroch pies, auroch-on-a-sticks–the possibilities are endless! Let’s not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy.”
2. “I agree that something needs to be done about auroch over-population,” says random passer-by Jennifer Nagasawa, “but eating them? That’s kind of gross. Let’s just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal.”
3. “I am shocked and appalled!” declared SPCA President Chastity Jones. “If anyone needs to be culled, it’s us humans. The aurochs were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry–agriculture in particular–to back off. The auroch is part of what makes Istrians a great nation!”This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 3.

The Issue
Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the Book Publishing industry.
The Debate

1. “We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!” says union leader Pete Jones. “I don’t think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we’ll shut this whole industry down! Let’s see how well Istrians’s economy manages without any Book Publishing, huh?”
2. “We pay our employees very generous wages,” says employer representative Abraham King. “Especially when you consider that without us, they’d be OUT ON THE STREET. Hear that, you scumbags? OUT ON THE STREET! Anyway, my point is, if you cave in, you make our entire industry uncompetitive. You can’t do that in the global marketplace. It’ll hurt the whole country. The best solution, economically speaking, would be to relax industrial laws and allow us to fire troublemakers on the spot.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.

The Issue
Last night the respected tabloid TV show “60 Minutes” ran a report on Istrians’s rising divorce rate. What is happening to the nuclear family?
The Debate

1. “There’s a simple solution,” says Pastor Felix, of the Catholic Church. “Divorce should be illegal. ‘For better or worse,’ anyone remember how that goes? We should return to the good old days, when you got married for life and stuck by your partner no matter how much of a drunken, abusive, adulterating disappointment they turned out to be.”
2. John Black, author of the hit book, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Whole Other Place,’ has a simpler solution. “If couples would just call each other ‘darling’ once in a while, there would be far fewer relationship breakdowns. A little affection is all it takes. So the government should make it mandatory: call your spouse ‘darling’ at least once a day, or face a fine.”
3. “There’s a simple way to boost the marriage rate,” says gay rights activist Hope Shiomi. “Abolish those arcane laws that discriminate against same-sex marriages. It’s obscene to treat people differently because of their sexual preference. Besides, everyone knows gay relationships are more stable than straight ones.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 2.

The Issue
National marijuana consumption has hit an all-time high, with alarming results, a new poll has found.
The Debate

1. “My factory’s productivity is down ten percent since marijuana was decriminalized,” complains employer Miranda Jones. “And the number of thefts from the candy machine is off the scale. This so-called ‘pot’ needs to be banned in all public places. Let the junkies do what they want at home, but not in my workplace.”
2. “Whoa, dude, no need to get, like, you know,” says Free Your Mind campaigner Freddy Barry, from his parents’ basement. “This is, like, a personal choice issue, you know. It’s like… whoa, just back off what I want to do with my own body. Don’t let the fascists win, man. There are some hot new eckies coming in soon, they should be legal too.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.

According to the UN, “The Commonwealth of Istrians is a “Inoffensive Centrist Democracy”, characterized by very good Civil Rights (the previous rating was “average”) , good Economy and below average Political Freedoms (the previous rating was “rare”) .”

Istrians is ranked 20th (out of 62) in the region and 23,979th (out of 72,840)  in the world for Largest Trout Fishing Sector.

Our nation received 6 UN Endorsements from it’s region.

The Debate

1. The High Minister for Finance, who also happens to be your brother, dismisses the claim. “What these people fail to realize is that you know what’s best for them. The alternative is anarchy! I say stick to your course. And execute these wackos for treason.”
2. “Perhaps the people could be given some more political freedoms,” muses your Chief of Staff, who is your sister. “Is there really such harm in allowing public discussion of ideas? We could even have a real Opposition Party. One that isn’t just full of your puppets, I mean.”
   

The Government Position

The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 2.

Another good news is that the black market of Arms Manufacturing has been stamped out, being replaced by the old and harmless Cheese Exports black market.

Also, the average income tax rate has grown to 46%  and our nation’s population to 8 million. Scientists have began regularly cloning of human beings for research purposes.

1. “It’s really very exciting,” says lab head Klaus Jefferson. “Until now, we’ve kept very quiet, to avoid being targeted by lunatic fringe groups who for some reason think it’s wrong to clone human embryos. It’s too early to promise anything, but we hope that one day we will have genetic cures for a whole range of debilitating illnesses. I certainly hope the government will support our work.”
2. “Well, if you have to be part of a lunatic fringe group to object to this barbaric practice, I’m a lunatic,” says placard-waving protestor Freddy Hendrikson. “Of course it would be nice to cure these unnamed diseases, but at what cost? They’re messing with the sanctity of human life. It’s wrong, and the lab should be shut down immediately.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.

In other news
The UN has lowered the assessment of our Civil Rights to “average” as it acknowledged that organ donation in the Commonwealth is compulsory.

The Debate

1. “It’s not as crazy as it sounds,” says Dr. Fleur McAlpin. “Every day, people die because we don’t have the organs to save them. Well, that and widespread under-funding of the health system. But the point is, if the government allowed us to take organs from dead people, we could save hundreds of lives a year. And come on, it’s not like dead people need them.”
2. “You keep your damn hands off my organs!” says alarmed hospital patient Alexei Love. “They are my organs, and I’ll do with them what I like. The government has no right to my body.”

The Government Position
The government has indicated its intention to follow the recommendations of Option 1.